And the award goes to...

I had a history of ditching dates. Not one of my better habits and yes, therapy worked wonders. Anyway, I thought I would start with the story that wins the award for “Largest Quantity Of Date Ditching In The Same Location.” This all occurred in a local bar here in Oakland that I was 86ed from (until recently). I think due to the fact that the bartender and I probably both want to forget this whole series of events, I am going to keep the bar name anonymous.

This bar is the perfect blind date spot. It’s a bar I wouldn’t normally go to so chances were low I would run into anyone I knew. It had a fair amount of regulars, so someone might notice if anything should happen to me. Especially since I had decided to make this my regular “blind date bar.” And probably the greatest reason I loved this spot, it had a window in the bathroom. All I had to do was stand on the toilet, push the screen out, pull myself up, hop out the window and put the screen back. Simple.

Truthfully, I didn’t decide to go there with the express purpose of jumping out the window. The first few times I went there I actually left out the front door. But there was the first time. It was one of those dates you either wanted to charge $120/hour for your time while listening to his “my daddy never loved me story” or in my case you jump out the window. I remember excusing myself to the bathroom after my date had launched into his story about his father serving time in San Quentin. I got into the bathroom and as I sat there contemplating how the hell I was ever going to leave; I noticed the window. I wiggled the screen and found it freed quite easily. I had myself pulled up and out in moments. I was free.

As I walked to my car, I began to think of the email I would send to my date explaining what happened. What do you say after ditching your date out a window? There really isn’t a great explanation.

I think after that first time, I got a little hooked. Honestly, I did reserve this for particularly bad dates, but I was also going through a tremendous string of bad luck with dating. All in all I ditched about 17 dates there. I remember the last one was a guy who took my Craigslist ad about liking scrabble a bit too literally. He showed up on the date with a frame pack on. You know the kind you use when you are trekking in Alaska for one month. I was concerned. He then pulled out Scrabble. Okay, cute. Then he pulled out the official Scrabble Dictionary. Okay, that makes sense. Then he pulled out a Webster’s Dictionary. This was getting me a bit concerned. And then he pulled out an Unabridged Dictionary. You know those enormous dictionary’s you find in the library on its own bookstand that is supposed to have all the words known to humankind. The backpack now made sense and I now had the heebie-jeebies.

But not thinking this was a window-worthy situation; I played Scrabble. This changed rather quickly. I remember his first word was mayhem. And then the next word he laid out was death. Then came blood. I had no choice. This was exactly why this bathroom was designed with a window. And sure enough I was out the window within moments of entering the stall.

Technically this was the last date I ditched. The next time I came in, the bartender pulled me aside. He tells me that after each time I climb out the window, my dates apparently go up to the bartender asking if he had seen me leave and each time he has lied and said yes. He had quickly figured out I had climbed out the window from the get go. Years of tending bar had taught him the look of a woman who desperately wanted to get away from her date. And I wasn’t the first woman to have done it. I just had carried this on the longest. He was tired of being the one to let these guys know I wasn’t interested. And then having to buy a few of them a shot because they seemed genuinely bummed. I apologized and offered to buy the bartender a drink. He told me I just needed to go before my date got there and that I wasn’t welcome back.